


Noire & Dumbass

by Frostdraga



Category: Pokemon GO
Genre: Casual use of swear words, Family Bonding, Female Noire, Gen, Nonbinary Blanche, Nonsensical fluff, Surfacage, Vulgar-ish Language, i guess?, lil bit o angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-12-18
Packaged: 2018-08-23 14:45:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8331766
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frostdraga/pseuds/Frostdraga
Summary: A series of drabbles, mostly focusing on Noire, and Dumbass, her Eevee, as they go through daily life. Featuring Blanche and their own Eevee, Evan.





	1. Mug

**Author's Note:**

  * For [surfacage](https://archiveofourown.org/users/surfacage/gifts).



“All I’m saying is that I always top your ass. The location doesn’t matter.”

Blanche stared blankly at their twin before they turned back to the forms they were signing, a slight smirk twisting at their lips. “Is that so?” they mumbled, taking a sip of tea from their mug. Both Blanche’s and Noire’s Eevees darted underfoot, rolling around on the carpet for a moment before they were off again, running around the room and generally fucking shit up.

 _Thud_. _Crash!_

Blanche sighed. There goes another of their mugs. It was the third one that week. Or maybe the fourth. Who knew anymore, really.

“Could you take them out?” Blanche groused at Noire, who was lying on the couch, being an absolute Slowpoke. The older twin sighed and made a show of slowly getting up and wearily glancing at the two Eevees who had decided to beat the living shit out of each other in the living room.

Noire sighed again.

“Sure.”


	2. Poffins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire finds out what having persuasive children feels like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, 100 hits feels pretty good. So, here's another shitty chapter. Enjoy.

“’Vee!”

Noire stopped, glancing to her side and sighing when she realized that both Eevees had ditched her. Again. Honestly, she expected that from Dumbass, but from Evan too? She glanced around, frowning a little more when she realized that they had actually managed to vanish. “Arceus damn it,” she whispered, back-tracking quickly. Blanche would skin her alive if they found out their ~~children~~ pokemon had actually managed to give her the slip.

The excited chirp of an Eevee drew Noire’s attention to a nearby bakery, where freshly made poffins were being displayed. There, peeking through the glass, were the two little shits.

“Hey, Dumbass!” The white-haired woman hollered across the street, ignoring startled looks from the people around her. A nearby mother shot her an acidic glare, covering her child’s ears before guiding the boy away. Dumbass whirled around at the call of her name, ears perking up at the sight of her ~~slave~~ caretaker. Noire casually strode across the road, uncaring of the angry honks by startled drivers, and joined the two brown pokemon at peering through the glass window.

The poffins did look pretty good, and they were cheap enough, she supposed. She glanced down at her ~~children~~ charges, meeting two pairs of pleading gazes. She felt her resistance melt away. She shrugged to herself before straightening from her crouch. 

"Don't tell Blanche, okay? This'll be our little secret," she whispered to the Eevees as she stepped into the bakery. 

After all, what was the worst that could happen, right? 

 

 

 

 


	3. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noire deals with her sickly child. I mean, pokemon. Yeah.

Noire had done a goof. A really bad one. Possibly.

Said white-haired woman swallowed, anxiously petting her Eevee. Next to her, Evan chirped worriedly, reaching over to cautiously paw at his littermate’s face. One minute they had been running around after scarfing down their poffins (bitter for Evan, spicy for Dumbass), and the next, Dumbass has squeaked in pain and flopped over in a boneless heap.

Noire, understandably, had freaked out. Loudly. (‘OH MY FUCKING GOD! DUMBASS!!!’) The disapproving glares from nearby pedestrians would forever scar the young woman.

A weak whimper escaped from Dumbass’ mouth, eyelids fluttering open weakly before sliding shut a moment later. Noire carefully maneuvered around the sickly Eevee to reach into her pocket and withdraw her Pokegear. She flipped the device open, staring at the screen whilst gnawing at her bottom lip. Before she had left the house to take their ~~children~~ pokemon out for a walk, Blanche had said something to her.

‘Don’t call me unless one of you is dying. Got that?’ They had said, before slamming the door shut in Noire’s face, leaving the older twin at the mercy of the two Eevees.

A weak mewl shook Noire out from her reverie, just as a Nurse Joy rushed past with an injured Weedle in her arms. For the past half an hour, Noire had been forced to sit in one of those plastic-y, cramped waiting room chairs. The Pokemon Centre had been packed, and Noire had only managed to procure a seat with the help of one of her threatening glares.

Apparently, there had been a free-for-all at one of the gyms downtown. All of the Pokemon Centres in the city were at full capacity because of it. Noire shook her head in despair as another Nurse Joy hurried past, this time with a rather charred-looking Pidgey in her grasp.

The moment Noire had stepped foot into that particular Pokemon Centre, mutterings and cries of a brown-haired and tanned demon and murmurs of ‘You, too?’ reached her ears. Coupled with the sight of painful-looking burns on the injured Pokemon, and the scent of smoke, it was safe to assume that Candela had decided to go all out today.

In any case, Noire exhaled slowly, remembering the last time she had called Blanche about ‘insignificant issues’ (Blanche’s words, not hers. in her opinion, that question about 6 egg-pokemon coming out a single egg was really important, even if Blanche was supposedly in a _Very Important Meeting_ ). Her back ached a little at the memory. (Not even a week after that incident, Noire had spent a good amount of her savings on the much more comfortable couch that now sits in their living room.)

Maybe it was a little unfair to the rest of the trainers in the waiting room, who had probably been waiting for much longer than her, but Arceus-damn it, she needed someone to help her ~~child~~ pokemon feel better, and if she needed to use Blanche’s ‘Team Leader’ benefits, then so be it.

And so, Noire dialed her twin’s number, tamping down the part of her that demanded that she wouldn’t ask her younger twin for help.

_Ring, ring.._

_Ring, ri-_

A sigh, then-

_“What is it, Noire? Whatever it is you wanted to buy, no.”_

Noire glanced down at Dumbass, the Eevee looking up at her with huge, amber eyes for a moment before flopping back onto her lap.

“No, it’s…” She trailed off. How was she supposed to tell her twin that she’d accidentally poisoned ~~their~~ ~~daughter~~ her pokemon?

_“Hurry up with it. These forms won’t fill themselves.”_

“Could you come down to the Pokemon Centre near the park?” Noire asked in a rush.

Silence, then another sigh, followed by the rustle of papers.

 _“What did you do this time, Noire?”_ Blanche asked, exasperation clear in their tone.

“Okay, first of all, rude. Secondly, it wasn’t my fault. I think.”

A quiet grumble came through the Pokegear.

 _“I’ll be there in 5 minutes,”_ Blanche said before hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the presidential election happened. I just want to say that, no matter who you are, you're always welcome here, with my shitty writing. My motto of 'Do whatever you want, as long as no one gets hurt' is fully in effect here. If you wanna talk, you can find me on my tumblr, I suppose.
> 
> http://frostdraga.tumblr.com/
> 
> Remember, you are welcome here. Don't let anyone make you feel like you are not.


	4. Creepin'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dumbass wakes up to a horrific beast in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A prompt I got from an... exam I took recently. It was fun. By recently I mean like last month.

2 A.M.

Any normal human would’ve been fast asleep by now. Even the pokemon were fast asleep, aside from the ever-present Zubats and occasional Ghastly and Drowsee.

In the Blanche-Noire household, though, not all was still.

A figure crept by, swiftly and noiselessly, as though not wanting to be observed.

The full moon was out, and it was hungry for flesh.

A wooden floorboard creaked as the person put their foot down. In a nearby room, an Eevee stirred, ears pricking up at the sharp noise in the otherwise silent house.

“’Veeeeee?” The pokemon called out, glancing at its littermate, curled up into its side, who stayed fast asleep. Huffing to itself, the Eevee carefully rose from the nest of pillows, blankets and, oddly enough, towels. It cautiously padded towards the sound, changing direction when another floorboard creaked in the opposite direction.

Another creak, one much more familiar.

‘The feeding room!’ The Eevee thought, its cautious trot turning into a mad gallop, uncaring whether the beast could hear it. If the thief touched its poffins, the Eevee would make sure it regretted it.

The figure was tall and lanky, but hunched over slightly, like one of those Wendigo creatures in that terrifying game ~~slave~~ master played a few months ago. The faint light from a neighbour’s porch lamp glinted off of silvery hairs.

The creature reached up, up, towards the cupboard where the poffins were stored. It was unlikely that the beast had noticed the Eevee, as it groaned lowly before opening the cupboard’s wooden door and reaching in.

The Eevee snapped, cried out a loud battle cry, and charged.

* * *

 

One moment Noire was trying to reach for an after-midnight snack, and the next, she was on the floor, nursing a bruised shin and an aching head from where she had smacked her head into the counter on the way down.

Hurried footsteps ran towards the kitchen.

“Noire?!” Blanche called out worriedly. The younger twin had heard a terrified scream (not that Noire would ever admit it. It wasn’t a scream. It wasn’t. It was a brave yelp, at worst, she swore.) and immediately rushed to their sibling’s aid. 

Noire groaned from her place on the floor.

The lights were turned on, and Noire peered down at the weight on her chest.

“Goddammit, Dumbass,” she groaned as her own Eevee scowled down at her.

Blanche stood at the doorway of the kitchen, hand still on the light switch, staring down at the two on the floor. They blinked, once, twice, before raising a hand to rub their face in tired exasperation. “I don’t even want to know,” they mumbled, turning to go back to bed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter was a little late. I got distracted by the OVERWATCH FREE WEEKEND AHHH!!!
> 
> My battle tag is Frostdraga#1538 if you guys wanna play with. It'll only be for the weekend though - I'm too poor to actually afford it, dammit. 
> 
> Also, if you guys have any prompts or ideas, you can comment or PM me! I'm sort of running out already.


	5. Mistaken Identity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blanche calls in sick, Spark and Candela decide to swing by, not knowing that Blanche has an identical twin.

Noire stepped into her twin’s room, carefully nudging the door close with a foot. Her hands were full with various quilts and blankets that she managed to pull out from Dumbass’ nest. The Eevee had squeaked unhappily but still acquiesced the loss. She would be stealing those back soon enough.

“Are you sure you don’t need more blankets?” Noire asked the mountain of blankets already on the bed. Something under the blankets shifted before releasing a low groan.

“Yes, Noire,” Blanche replied tiredly, slowly peeking out from under the blankets Noire had piled onto them, white strands of hair sticking to their sweaty face and neck. “In fact –“ They coughed once, before trying to clear their throat. The younger of the two grumbled something incomprehensible before burrowing back into their mountain lair of blankets.

“Did you call the professor? I could do it if you want-“ Noire began, before being interrupted by the doorbell. Her face lit up. “Wow, that was fast,” Noire pivoted on the spot before heading out again. “Stay there, okay?” She pointed accusingly at Blanche. “No doing paperwork when you’re sick.”

With that, the older twin slipped out of Blanche’s room and headed towards the door. The bell rang again impatiently, and she grumbled.

“I’m coming! Geez, hold your Ponytas, why don’t you?”

She opened the door, already counting out the amount of money she’d need to pay for her very greasy, very tasty veggie-burger from McWobbuffet’s . “How much do I-“ She blinked up at the blond giant holding her meal hostage.

Huh. He looked familiar. And he wasn’t wearing the usual McWobbuffet’s uniform.

She managed to get out a confused ‘Um’ before she was swept up by said blond giant in a hug that would put an Ursaring’s grip to shame. Noire wheezed loudly before she was abruptly released. She stumbled backwards, leaning against the wall as she tried to catch her breath.

“Geez, Spark, squeeze her harder, why don’t you?” A very tanned hand reached out to steady Noire. She flashed the woman a thankful half-grin. “Whoa, wait. Spark; Blanche just _smiled_ at me.”

“Oh my god!” Spark reached out to grab Noire again, but the woman narrowed her eyes threateningly at him before he could make contact. “Oh my god, Candela! Are you okay, Blanche? The Prof said you were sick, but this-“

“Wait, hold on,” Noire blinked at Spark and Candela. “I’m not Blanche.”

The two team leaders blinked back at Noire.

“Uh, yes you are?” Spark tilted his head to the side, frowning worriedly. Even Candela looked worried. “Speaking of, you shouldn’t be eating stuff like this when you’re sick, Blanche,” the blonde said, looking into the paper bag that he convinced the McWobbuffet employee that he would take very good care of. “A veggie burger?!” He all but yelped. “Blanche, I thought you said you hated this stuff!”

“I’m not Blanche,” Noire repeated again, eyes narrowing menacingly.

“Wellp, okay. Spark, get the car ready,” Candela said, gesturing at the car parked in front of Noire’s house. With an ease that could only be practiced, the tanned team leader reached around to manhandle Noire towards the vehicle.

“Whoa! What do you think you’re _doing?_ ” Noire squirmed, trying to break out of Candela’s firm grip.

“Listen, Blanche. We’re going to get you to a hospital, okay? You’re clearly feeling way worse than ‘just a flu’.”

“I’m not-“           

“It’s okay. We’ll take care of you!” Spark chirped cheerily as Noire was forced into the car.

They sped off, with Noire still loudly protesting from the back seat.

* * *

 

From the still ajar doorway, Dumbass blinked lazily as her master was forced into the car and driven away. A part of her wondered whether she should do something. After all, Noire  _fed_ her. However, she promptly remembered how the white-haired meanie had all but dismantled her very nice and comfortable nest and loudly complained at all the brown fur that clung to the cotton and wool. 

'Rude,' the Eevee thought, sniffling disdainfully at the exhaust and dust that had been left in the car's wake. Deciding that  ~~slave~~ master could take care of herself  _for once_ , the small pokemon trotted into the house and carefully shut the door. Her nest had been dismantled, but there was a perfectly comfy and warm one with  ~~slave~~ master #2 in it. Master #2 even slipped in  _berries_ sometimes in her food - much better than that dried stuff master #1 gave her. 

* * *

Blanche stirred as another smaller warmth joined them in their mountain lair of blankets. Blearily blinking their eyes open, they stared confusedly at Dumbass. (Blanche knew it was Dumbass because Noire had accidentally dyed her Eevee a light shade of pink when trying out a new brand of pokemon shampoo. Tears and blood had been shed on that day.) They briefly wondered about their older twin before giving up on that train of thought a mere second later.

Noire was old enough to take care of herself anyway. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might be the last chapter for a while. I'm sorta drained of all ideas, plus I'll be travelling for the next 2-ish weeks. Send prompts? c:


	6. Evolution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> //winces
> 
> I might've been projecting a bit while writing.

When Blanche offered to take care of Dumbass for the day (Noire had to leave to take care of some business), the older twin wasn’t prepared to return home to a distraught Eevee. Apparently, Dumbass had taken one look at Candela’s Flareon, Spark’s Jolteon (He named it Donglord, apparently (Sometimes, Noire wondered what went on in that boy’s head)) and Blanche’s newly evolved Vaporeon before spending the rest of the day sulking in a corner.

While Noire wasn’t as smart as Blanche could occasionally be, it wouldn’t have taken a genius to figure out why Dumbass was upset anyway.

“Hey, buddy,” Noire cooed at her first ever pokemon, gently ruffling Dumbass’ beige scruff. The usually mischievous and carefree Eevee squeaked softly in reply before burrowing deeper into her nest of blankets.

When Noire and Blanche had been debating the idea of evolving their beloved Eevees, they had showed the evolutionary stones to the two brown pokemon. Evan had instantly been entranced by the shimmering, blue water stone. Dumbass, on the other hand, had taken a single look at the brightly coloured stones before shrugging (as well as a pokemon could) disinterestedly.

Now, though, Noire suspected that her precious child was regretting her decision. Not much hurts more than watching your own sibling and best friend leave you behind to become better and stronger. Noire understood keenly how her Eevee felt, watching Blanche ascend to the heights of Leader of Team Mystic. It stung in the beginning, but Noire was never not proud of her twin. Truly.

“We’ll get there, one day,” Noire whispered to the brown ball of fluff that had crept into her lap while she had been reminiscing.

* * *

 

“DUMBASS!! NO!!”

It wasn’t supposed to have gone this way. It was supposed to have been an easy mission. Get in, extract the valuables, get out. Minimal casualties, if any.

They had been cocky. Beyond cocky. But Noire was a Team Rocket Executive now, with tens of hundreds of Pokemon and subordinates at her disposal. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Not now, not when she was so much stronger and better than _Before_.

Beside her, Amelie cursed, shaking hands pressing against the bleeding gash that stained her Ninetails’ creamy fur a crimson red. The rest of their squad had been pushed backwards, out of the building. Distant explosions and muted fury-filled screams and shrieks of Pokemon could be heard from outside.

However, Noire and Amelie were still trapped _inside_.

A large Haxorus stood in between them and the glass doors that was their supposed escape. The dragon-type’s golden scales glinted brightly at every flash caused by an explosion or the search beams attached to the helicopters in the air outside. Blood dripped down its massive pair of tusks – Amelie’s Ninetails’ when the fox had been just a moment too slow to evade the dragon’s attack.

Out of any other usable Pokemon, Dumbass had bravely limped forward, head held high, the only thing between the golden scaled dragon and her mistress. The Haxorus snorted disdainfully and sneered down at the much smaller Pokemon, its crimson claws clenching and unclenching in anticipation.

Noire would’ve been embarrassed if it wasn’t one of her only remaining friends’ life at stake. After she had been recruited into Team Rocket’s folds, her twin had disowned her, called her a coward, and all but kicked her out of their home. Ever since then, Dumbass had been the only permanent fixture in her life - one of the few things that reminded her of the ruins that was her relationship to her blood kin.

The bloodied dragon snorted once more, before lowering its head and charging, its tusks glowing with a silvery light. In just three quick strides, the dragon was on her Eevee and then it was swinging its head down, down, down with a triumphant roar.

Noire’s eyes slammed shut, unwilling, afraid, _terrified_ to see her best friend get murdered right in front of her, to see blood smeared on the ground, to see Dumbass’ tiny body get flung across the room and her blood painting the walls crimson. Her heart thundered and her blood roared in her ears, but it wasn’t loud enough to block out the determined growl that escaped the Eevee’s furry throat.

A bright flashed burned the insides of her eyelids, and the Team Rocket Executive heard Amelie gasp.

“Noire!” A hand (sticky with blood, don’t think about it, don’t, don’t don’t please no) grabbed at Noire’s shoulder. “Look!”

The white-haired woman reluctantly pried her eyes open, before they widened in shock. Where her Eevee once stood, a white and pink pokemon now stretched languidly, ribbons floating around it. The Haxorus laid several metres away, struggling to get back on its feet.

“Dumbass?” Noire murmured, awe clear in her voice. The newly evolved Pokemon squealed happily, prancing in place, as if to say ‘Look at me!!’.

The fighting outside had ceased, and a moment later, one of her squad members smashed the glass doors open.

“Executive Noire, we have to leave now!” The grunt yelled, glancing over worriedly at the helicopters that were landing on nearby rooftops. Noire stood shakily (when had she even collapsed onto the floor?) before helping Amelie up, her assistant’s Ninetails now safely back in the stasis of its pokeball.

They fled in one of Team Rockets’ black helicopters, Dumbass close on their heels.

* * *

 

“What _are_ you?” Noire mumbled, staring down at the white and pink pokemon on her lap. Dumbass chirped happily, nudging her head into Noire’s palm to encourage more petting. They were sat on her bed, in her sparsely decorated room (Blanche hadn’t given her enough time to pack her things, after all (stop no don’t think about that. no. don’t. shhhhh.)).

Throughout the whole debriefing, Dumbass had stayed glued to Noire’s side, her ribbons wrapped and squeezing Noire’s arm and hand at random intervals. The pair had gained many disbelieving stares, as many Rockets had bets going on that the Eevee would eventually evolve into an Umbreon or Espeon – not this cheery white, pink and blue creature.

(no one but amelie thought that ice cold executive noire could love anyone but herself, after all)

Searching through the Pokedex (illegally obtained, of course) and their database had proven only somewhat useful.

‘Sylveon, the Intertwining Pokemon. A Fairy type.

Can only be evolved if an Eevee truly, completely, wholeheartedly loves its trainer.’

Noire had frozen up at that.

Love.

Blanche had loved her too, in their own way.

“Weeeeeeo?” Dumbass mewled, sitting up on Noire’s lap. Her ribbons gently brushed away the tears that rolled down Noire’s cheeks. Noire sniffled softly.

Love.

“I love you too, Dumbass,” she whispered, hugging the Sylveon tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a happy piece of shit, but somehow it became a sad piece of shit.
> 
> (much like me lmao)


End file.
